


Oysters

by ledbythreads



Series: Heart in your hand [10]
Category: Led Zeppelin
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Blindfolds, Canon Era, Canon Timeline, Don't Try This At Home, Drugged Sex, Hallucinations, Hallucinogens, Light Angst, M/M, Multiple Partners, One True Pairing, Oral Sex, Orgasm Delay/Denial, POV First Person, POV Jimmy, Ritual Sex, Romantic Fluff, Sex Magic, Shameless Smut, Thelema, True Love, Visions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-24
Updated: 2020-06-26
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:47:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24886333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ledbythreads/pseuds/ledbythreads
Summary: 1975 - Around the time of the Earls Court gigs Jimmy and Robert are planning to escape with each other to Morocco.  In London the identities of Jimmy's 'Fraters', the Brothers of his Magickal order, are something he has always kept from his lover. But Robert wants to know and experience everything Jimmy has to give.Robert asked. How could Jimmy say no?A story about Robert, Jimmy, and sex magick.
Relationships: Jimmy Page/Robert Plant
Series: Heart in your hand [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1523687
Comments: 22
Kudos: 22





	1. Do What Thou Will

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thebookhunter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebookhunter/gifts).
  * Inspired by [On this day](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24648592) by [Goldragon (thebookhunter)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebookhunter/pseuds/Goldragon). 



Becoming. Being. Not being. What are you my love?

In the taxi you are quiet, and although every time I look you are smiling. I can feel you stopping yourself tapping your fingers, hands splayed on your open thighs.

I have butterflies like before a show. I feel empty and strung out on adrenaline.

You trust me and I am not sure you should.

But when I think of you asking for this. How could I say no?

It was like you twisted something in my core right behind my balls and shook me. When you grinned that lopsided grin about it, I nearly came for you right then.

I can feel it again now and you turn as though you heard me call you.

Even though this is a public cab you pull me by my collar and kiss me. Full and soft. And then drop me again.

I give the cabbie fifty quid for a two quid fare and hope for the best.

  
  


The place reminds me of Basing Street studio which used to be a church. It has that slightly Weslian architecture with the Square and Compass insignia slapped on over the door as an afterthought. It smells like the London of self satisfied men who are not yet rich. Who have their blazers tailored but not their suits.

You look a little disappointed at how grubby it is without any of the debauchery of Soho.

You are looking up at the fake carriage lantern style light over the doorway and even here the shadow of your jaw makes me want to die for you.

The light, the colour of weak tea, still comes off you like honey.

My god.

I try the door and it's locked. Good. I wanted to arrive first. I leave the key that Cas sent me under the doormat.

Parquet flooring. A wooden board with brass nameplates. It feels so provincial. I take your hand.

The first time I came here I had just turned twenty one.

I got fucked by five other men before I left, and had a vision where my body became pure light and I could look down and see one of them moving inside me like his cock was made of flame.

Appearances can be deceptive.

Like you holding out my book like Oliver Twist holding his bowl.

Please Jimmy, I'd like some more.

(I'd like to get edged so hard I see god.)

I said ' _ It's not a game, baby _ '

You said ' _ You want me to ask _ ' and you locked eyes with me till I looked away.

I took eight days before I'd admit you were right. So here we are.

Your snake boots are loud in the hallway and you are prowling. Dissatisfied.

"It's like the bloody rotary club"

"Did you expect them to make it look like a bordello, Robert?"

"You said a temple"

I pull you to me and trace my thumb across your pouting lip. You are wearing a tight black Swan Song tshirt and your silver cuffs. A little bumfreezer jacket.

You move still with that sinuous grace that you grew into a couple of years back, but you have such a man's body now. I run my hand over your chest.

This night is going to bring you down like a stag in the forest, you are not my boy any more.

"A temple is what we do. It's not the place. This is just somewhere we can be"

"A gig before the lights go up?"

"Something like that. But it's about your intentions, about not doing it for kicks. Choosing it for something higher"

"For love?"

You are teasing me, but you mean it. You often sound most flippant when you are telling the absolute truth.

"Love under will. Choosing fully. Before the gods."

"I have chosen" You hold my hand still over your heart then. You don't mean tonight. You mean everything. I want to believe you. I really do. 

"We can just go back?"

"No. I want to do this before we fly out. Before we leave."

"Why?"

_ "Receive a thousand lovers; thou shalt bear but One Child. _

_ This child shall be the heir of Fate the Father _ "

"What do you think that means?"

"The music we make. The magic of it. Together. This life we have chosen, you and I. It's our child. We're men. We can only. Create. Like this.

Women can do both. But fate will... I don't know. It will beget what it begets from us. It might fuck us and leave us with nothing. All there is is to keep going. Keep choosing."

"I thought you were just really horny"

"Sod off"

Through the door that says fire exit.

All the way here I have waited for this moment.

Lit by many tiny lanterns the courtyard is still as beautiful as ever. Jasmine, and climbing roses, and lavender.

The pathways are blue mosaic and the fountain at the centre is a beautiful youth with winged sandals.

It is like another country.

Hidden in plain sight.

I hold your hips from behind and then slip my hands up under your shirt.

You shudder as you relax under my hands; as you listen to the water. I realise your arrogance was just nerves.

You are my wild thing, and you don't like cages.

But you like it here.

"I have to blindfold you now. Because you're not. Well, because you are my guest."

"Jimmy. How many will there be?"

"Two. Two others"

"Only two?" you are teasing again.

"Why baby, how many do you think you can take?"

"I think my record is five. Women that is."

I hold back your hair and fit the blindfold while you brag for me.

"And you made them all come?"

"Well, they were, erm, keen to help each other out" You do that outrageous laugh and I'm starting to feel a bit hysterical.

I feel drunk on you. On anticipation. You reach blindly for me now. Pull me against your backside. I reach down and hold your hands.

"They won't though?"

"What?"

"Touch you?"

And there you are again. Antlers up. Snorting.

"Not unless you want them to?"

"I don't. It doesn't. Turn me on"

I turn then at familiar footsteps. Cas and Lars. If Cas heard what you said he makes no sign. Lars I don't really know.

He's Cas's lover. Cas was briefly one of mine. One of those five, here, before that.

You don't know anything, really, even about John. Secrets and lies. My stomach hurts. I feel you tense up again and I keep my hand on your waist as I greet them.

"Love is the law"

"Love under will" 

So formal. I mean it, but I feel like a fraud now you are here. 

Cheek kisses for me. Cas is a big bear of a man. Tall like Peter but more muscle than fat. Lars is very fucking sexy, slighter, shorter, serious eyes.

They run some kind of rag trade out of Spitalfields. I'm not great at small talk. It's not why we are here. You've turned and you are standing splay legged.

At stage rest, with one arm across your body, but your head up.

Cas makes the first move.

"Robert?"

You nod backwards. Chin up. He puts a hand on your shoulder and I see you stop yourself from punching him. You are wired and I don't know if this is going to work.

But then you reach a hand up to his wrist and reel him in. I tighten my fingers in your belt loops and watch, stunned, as you put a hand straight up into his hair and kiss him.

"Let us start as we mean to go on"

The balls on you. I shouldn't be surprised but I am.

Cas steps aside and brings Lars to you, you put your hand straight on his ass. I step back feeling forgotten but you catch me and scoop me into your arms.

Full body against me you groan as you kiss my neck. Smooth your hands over me. You are such a showman. Even here.

"Jimmylove? Were we heading somewhere?"

I give you my arm to guide you across the courtyard but you walk as though you are leading me


	2. Love is the Law

Another door. You dip your head instinctively and I feel how vulnerable you are here. I feel my own claws and sheathe them.

It's a plain enough room, perhaps even a little monastic, but the large Persian carpet is a real serapi and I wish you could see it. Other than that, there are cushions and bolsters. Low electric lights. A backless chaise longue in a faded pale yellow like dried daffodils. Our small 'banquet' is laid out on two battered old teatrays. The food is part of the formalities, but I never feel like eating.

Cas will have brought the wine and laced it with datura.

I hope that your playing with psychedelics will have prepared you, because datura isn't like any trip I've ever seen you take before. I lead you to the chaise and you sit like blind lady Justice at Copthall avenue; I smile to myself that her statue graces the Institute of Chartered Accountants. 

You shake back your hair ready to hold court, as you do in every city I've ever been with you. Weighing our longings in your scales.

I see Lars being pulled to you. Kneeling. Wanting to reach out to touch the hem of your garments. Cas gives me a look I can't quite read, amused. As he passes, he whispers, "you've come a long way, baby" and laughs softly to himself.

I wish suddenly we were with strangers among our own rituals.

I have seen you point your finger and sigh, and forty thousand people, as one, lean forward to catch the dream you are making for them. In those moments you look over at me, like I part the heavens from the earth. Like you have no idea how lost I would be without you.

I wish I were a braver man.

I wish I could be enough for you.

I settle behind you as Cas brings over the wine. We eat a little and I feed you myself. My hand on your thigh. Oysters. Peaches. Figs in honey. We pass the cup. You drink deep.

Then, as though you have done this before you stand, and we are the ocean for you. You go under our waves.

*

Six hands might be a hundred. You accept any worship with this animal grace that makes the bottom fall out of my world. I don’t have the words that you have, and even if I had, I could not say them. You are like Shiva in the temple and we are laying marigolds against your skin. You are like Sebastian and we are piercing you with our wanting. You move like you do when you play football. You feel. So much.

Cas is behind you and he strips up your shirt and tangles his knotty fingers in your belly hair. I hate it and am so turned on by it I feel weak. I want Cas and Lars to make me watch them, but nothing here is for my benefit. Lars picks up your feet like you are a stallion and takes off your boots.

I feel bewildered without your eyes to guide me, but you hold out your arms, enfold me, and now I can feel everything you are feeling and kiss it back to you. Your familiar scent still makes me dizzy. I need to take you. Own you. I need to beg you. I say nothing.

I start to get hard for you, and I feel the grin in your kiss as you feel me on your thigh. You are hungry for it all. You unbuckle your own belt and slide your jeans down for Lars to take them off.

Then you pull him up and start to run your hands over him like you are trying to guess what is in the parcel I have brought you. I want to push your hands away, but I can’t stop looking at the way your fingers indent his flesh. The way your palms slide over his chest and follow the trail of hair to his navel. The shocking way I see you make your hands slow and soft to feel his skin goosebump under your touch. The way you take his pleasure as your own.

Cas is kneading your back and your ass and your thighs now, and you lean back into it. Into him. You seem fascinated. Unusually cat like, arching against him to feel more friction. He hooks an arm around your waist, and I see the exact second you feel how strong he really is. You turn between us and go straight for his crotch, pulling impatiently at his clothes. Wrestling him out of them. The instructions for the rite say roused by any means, but most people will lie back under the ministrations of the Brothers.

But you love to give, and you have never seen this done.

I feel your knees buckle as Cas grabs you by the scruff of your neck and takes your mouth. I'm holding round your waist and feel you go heavy and malleable to his touch.

He tips up your chin and makes you stand up to your full height. You look like a longbow stretched and ready, and I feel the elongated muscles of your stomach thrumming in my hands.

I press my knee into the backs of yours and take you down for him. You are so pliant it is driving me mad. I want to see you take him. I want to slap your face.

Lars strips Cas's shirt like he's preparing him for battle, helping him out of the rest. I mirror myself to the curve of you back. Your hands on his flesh. Your apparent submission.

You rub your face in his crotch, a low husky growling deep in your throat for him, and my mouth fills with saliva I can't coordinate to swallow.

Sex is coming off you in waves. You pull all the heat in the room into yourself and transmogrify it into pure lust.

Lars is sprawled down on the floor, half naked, his hands on your thighs I think, but I can't take my eyes off what you can't see.

As you take Cas's cock into your mouth;

As I have done for you;

As I have done for him;

As you have done for me;

I feel like I'm screaming.

I just hold you. Hold you. I cannot stop seeing.

How you do this like a prince. How your lust does not demean you. It makes you holy. Your innocence is profound when you are your most wanton.

Cas feels it too and he's becoming reverent. Your hands on his hips urging him to softly undulate, I feel yours doing the same.

I look down from over your shoulder and see you softly fucking Lars' face as Cas slips in and out and in and out and in and out of your perfect fucking mouth.

You are moaning with every thrust.

I feel panic rising. You don't need me anymore. You never needed me. You were just impressionable. Everything I have ever shown you is a sham, a shadow to bind you to me. Now you are free and I am nothing.

Your sweat is soaking through my shirt and I feel it is the last thing of yours I will ever have.

Sadly, I pull away from your warmth. Forever.

Instantly you pull me back. You hand reaching behind you with surprising speed to grab my wrist. You are stock still. Your hand on Lars' shoulder to stop him. Pulled away from Cas.

"No. Nothing without you"

Your fingers are encircling my wrist like your silver cuffs. My heart is a bird afraid to leave its cage.

Tachycardic I am losing my rhythm, I am missing my cue, I am missing my cue, you need my song and I don't know what it is. My mouth is dry.

Your hand is steady. Waiting.

_'Many times I've lied_

_Many times I've listened_

_Many times I've wondered_

_How much there is to know.'_

I don't know if it is in my mind or yours but now I know. I am in the centre again. I can be this for you. I have to be.

My heartbeat is the snare kicking to the high hat.

My mind is soaring on an open G.

I signal to Cas to pick you up and he lays you back, belly up over the chaise for me, your head and shoulders against my chest as I straddle the narrow couch. I cradle you. You are so beautiful it hurts. You are flushed and your muscles glisten. Your face is entranced, enchanted. You move slow and supple like you do on Quaaludes. You nuzzle into me seeking shelter. You let your powerful thighs fall apart. Now I watch their hands on you like they are my own. Your body that I know so well. Now I am making the cues, keeping the time. Now this is my show. Your obscene ballet. Your bolero. 

Lars choreographs with his lover so Cas can fuck into you while once again he sucks. Both kneeling at the end of the chaise like our supplicants. Cas between your thighs and his hand in Lars’ hair. Cas looks in my eyes and I know he sees you now as I do. You moan, and strain to take in every possible sensation.

It has a rhythm to it now, and you are arched like a rainbow between me and them. I know what you need. You need me. I take hold of both your hands.

"Baby..."

You struggle to answer me and then the words fall out like little frogs.

"Jimmy Jimmy Jimmy hold me. I feel you. Inside, around me, upside-down me”

You arch and gasp as Lars takes your cock deep and then eases back. He’s doesn’t do this with the precision that I can, and with Cas lazily fucking you too I can tell you are struggling to focus on the sensations. I lift my hand and Cas goes harder. A clear hard rhythm that will carry you.

“Be me, see me Jimmy, see me in me. See _in_ me. You are you are you are. Fuck.

Fucking. Fucking. Fucking hold me..."

You clutch my hands as Cas fucks you, bucking blindly against him. Babbling to me between gasps like you are turning sex into poetry.

As Cas slams into you, your body slams into mine. You are like Nuit. The star bridge across the night sky. Vast and eternal. I’m starting to see trails of colour. I signal again and Cas softens, slinking his hips. Lars starts to lick and tease you. Your foreskin is pulled right back and the tender head of your beautiful cock glistens for me like a ruby. I can taste you.

"...I never did no did no did no harm Jimmy." You're half singing under your breath. You sigh "Only. Only loved you loved you loved you. Had this dream..."

You trail off. My eyes fill with tears and everything fractures. My feelings split like a prism. You never say 'I love you'. I know you do.

Cas is starting to pant and fold over you, fucking up to your sweet spot in long slow slides. You are just taking it. Your muscles are humming like an overclocked amp.

Cas pulls Lars up to take over, standing behind him catching his breath as Lars starts to thrust between your legs.

Your cock is straining and hard, wet from Lars' mouth. I feel so turned on I feel inside out. But now it is all in my head. Diffuse and kaleidoscopic. My crotch is close against your back but I'm soft as a sleeping rabbit. I start to stroke the fur of your chest. I feel so close to you. I feel our atoms mingling.

"In the sea, both of you" you are talking again with more urgency now, one hand down to rub your own stomach. Circling low but not touching your cock.

"And you were inside me, inside my belly. Baby belly? Your hand was..."

You try and sit up and Cas and I move to help you. You reach out for Lars and wrap your legs round him pulling him balls deep into your body.

Soon you will have defeated him too. Now you have one arm round Cas' shoulders and one arm round my waist, slung between us like Jesus cut down from the cross.

You are quiet now and I can hear the slap of flesh on flesh and you breathe through your teeth.

I turn your face to kiss me, and you grin again as our teeth knock together. You suck my tongue then turn your face to nestle into my neck. 

"So good. I can feel. Oh god so good Jimmy. You're Ocean. Jimmy Sea of Love. Can't swim if you are water can you? Can _you_?"

"You ok baby?"

I reach down to take your cock. Just holding you still in my hand and I feel like weeping. I need to protect you. 

"Trippy very trippy feels like you _everywhere_. Everyone? Are you everyone? Gonna make me come Jimmy."

"It's not just me."

"You _always_ say that you funny funny man. Most modest. Micky Most is _most_ Jimmy Page most _modest_. So shy. _My_ shy boy. I can see you see? seeing.

Are you _seeing_?"

I start to move my hand in a rhythm that twines round the rhythm of you fucking Lars. Streams and glints of light trail off my hand as I caress you.

"I can see. You look like a god baby. Like the goddess."

"Gonna make me come Jimmy. You seeing? So shy. Cas is star bear fucking horny. Fucks me right up. For you to _see_? See? But you, _you,_ take me there?"

"Where baby?"

I signal Lars to slow and he pulls out of you gently. Watching. Panting. 

"I need to see you _see_. Jimmy. Please honey, to see you _see me_. _Ride me_. Ride me there?"

You are trembling. I can see tears running down from under the blindfold but you are smiling almost serenely. You lick your lips, the datura making your mouth dry.

Cas slides behind you and pulls you back against his thick thighs. Lars brings you water and holds it for you. At last I slip out of my clothes. The last to strip.

I feel ashamed that I'm not hard for you. I feel like a willow in a forest of oaks. Tentatively I straddle your belly. You are too far gone into visions now to need the blindfold.

I slip my thumbs under the edges and push it up slowly as you startle from the light. 

Your pupils are so dilated I cannot see blue at all. Even in the low light you are dazed. Head back and arms up you do indeed look like Rimmer's ‘Fall of Day’.

Except for your beautiful, gorgeous, straining cock.

Finally, you focus on my face and you start crying, like you have found something you had forgotten was lost.

" _My my my my mine_ "

_'I can't stop this feeling_ ' I echo silently and feel the riff for How Many More Times start between my legs.

" _All you've got to give?_ " I ask. You laugh then and slide your hands languorously down over your chest to cup my knees.

“Rings. _Pearls_ ” That obscene laugh. Your joy always floors me. Every time. 

Cas combs back your hair and dips a bandanna into water to wipe your face. Soothes you. You are burning hot now but the datura is stopping you sweating. This is the dangerous time.

Now Cas will act as your guardian to make sure his wine doesn't harm you. He looks up at me and nods.

Lars brings me oil and I slip back so your cock springs up between us like we share the same one.

"Come on Jimmylove get undid" you are laughing so much now Cas has to help you sit up a little through a fit of giggling.

For all I know Cas and Lars listen to the top forty and think this is all another vision.

I guess it is. I giggle too.

I feel so perfect now. I feel like your precious only angel. I feel naked like a Hellenic statue. I kneel forward and oil you up. Worshiping your phallus. How orthodox.

Then. With you watching me, and everything I am. I slowly, slowly, take you inside my body.

***

Nobody else exists.

No moment but this moment.

_'For I am divided for love's sake, for the chance of union'_

You sit up and pull your legs under me to cradle me in your lap. The only thing that matters is your eyes.

"Nothing without you. Only loved you loved you loved you. You see?"

"Yes."

"In the sea. The babies in my belly. Little fishes. I swallowed babies when I kissed you, and you left me, but I found you on the shore.”

Your hands are in my hair and you are rocking into me. I feel broken and remade. I would follow you anywhere.

“You can't swim because you are the water. Water doesn't swim, it pours through me. You see? Will I remember Jimmy? Will I?"

"No baby"

"The wine?"

"Yes. It makes you forget"

You wrap your arms round me and I feel like we are alone under the vault of the night sky.

"Gonna make me come Jimmy. I'm in your belly now. Seahorses. Am I crying?"

"Yes baby"

"I'm very sleepy Jimmy. Goodnight Welsh sounds like ‘star’. _Nos Da_. No Star. We are stars. Starfish in my belly. Dreams swimming. You put them there."

"I love you baby"

"Gonna make me come soon Jimmy... gonna fill you up with stars... Milky way... In the desert will we see them?"

"Yes"

You slump back against Cas, but your eyes are wild, like you are seeing everything I really am.

I am riding you. My hands on your chest. My tears falling down on you like stars. Like rain.

I am the night sky for you. Cas and Lars are constellations. You come like a comet. Like a shooting star. A falling angel.

I fall too and Lars catches me. Holds me steady while your body fills mine with your dreams.

Your eyes are half open but you are starstruck now. Over the Hills and Far away.

"Jim"

Cas's hand is on my arm. I don't think I can speak. Lars puts a blanket round my shoulders.

"Jim. He's ok. Come on now. You did well. Now we wait"

I won't leave you. Your soft cock slips from me, and your cum is running down my thighs.

Your dreams are still inside me. I am a seahorse full of your hatchlings. Full of your song.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Datura can be fatal - we all know this is fiction right? stay away from the hippie witchy drugs. None of us even know what Cas has in that wine.


	3. Love under Will

Even in sleep you hold me.

I have fucked, and been fucked in turn, by more people than is probably reasonable for someone who still can't talk to girls.

When I first put the mirrors on the Dragon, I'd guessed that most people look into my eyes because they want to see their own faces.

The exceptions are precious.

My lady and you. Your lady and me. It's algebraic. Two families, three children, three pairs, two lovers. Two lives.

We are spinning out of our orbits. Twin stars. Everybody looks at us and nobody sees. You are in so many other people's dreams I'm not sure how many of you there are. 

_'My only one.'_ Keter. My Crown.

 _'Ask me.'_ Hokhmah. My beginning.

 _'Touch me.'_ Binnah. I understood. This life flaring between us in the dawn. My hand on your belly. The heat under my palm would bring sorrow.

All that lives is born to die. You say to me that nothing really matters. But you are here, baby. Sleeping in the House of the Holy.

 _'See me. I need to see you see me'_ Daat. To be known. You have known me. The first time you opened me like an oyster. Found me wet and salt on your tongue. Found me living and shucked my flesh from my shell with pleasure I couldn't ask for. Taught me to myself. 

_'Will I forget? Yes baby'._ Hessed. Forgetting is mercy. The beginnings of Will. If you could remember all I mean to you, you could never freely choose.

"Jim. It's time."

Lars with the lamp. He helps me sit and washes me. Administers the fivefold kiss. Puts a shift on me.

I lift my arms like a child.

I watch him with Cas. The small touches. The way one knows which way the other will move.

Their silences.

I have loved you for six years. Six albums. VI is the Lovers. Sixes are stable ground. Realignment. I'm scared to rouse you. Scared of what you might tell me.

"Did he understand this part?" Cas at Lars' elbow. Their familiarity makes me look away.

"Did I the first time?"

"No"

"He knows we will need to touch him. I think it should just be me."

"For his sake, or yours?"

"It's the same thing to him"

Cas is kinder than he looks. He doesn't press the matter. Lars leans back against him and Cas wraps him in his arms.

I think of all the times I don't touch you. I think of all the times you touch me and I don't touch you back. How I have trained myself not to reach for you.

"Thank you. Both" I tell them.

"Love is the law"

"Love under will"

I kiss them farewell.

I kiss you.

At your temple.

Between your eyes.

I sit on the floor beside you. I love to watch you sleep.

On the chaise, you are laid out on a soft altar. Your long legs spill over the end. You need to cut your toenails.

Only two years ago you still had the body of a dancer. Nijinsky playing soccer. Now your chest is wider, and your nipples nestle in your chest hair. Your belly hair like a shield boss with your navel at the center. I trace circles through it. You love for me to come on you here. Even more than inside you. I wonder if this is how I should start this thing.

You love to watch me touch myself. You know I am always thinking about your mouth.

Your sweet cock is sleeping. I lean and kiss you there. Even though you fucked me last, you smell of other men.

I don't think I have ever taken you as soft as this. I just rest my cheek on your belly and your breath lifts me up and down. I can hear your guts. I poke out my tongue and lick your slit. I feel like a fucking idiot. You shift your hips by an inch. I have sucked your morning erections and had languorous, glorious sex, you half awake and me half asleep. But this is different. This is claiming you back from the gods and I don't know if I'm ready.

I must have sighed out loud and you murmur something in response.

"Baby?"

No response.

"I love you. Robert? I love you more than I ever anticipated. I'd like to wake up with you every day. I know that is mundane. But it's how I feel"

No response. I speak to your sleeping belly.

"I've fucked a lot more men than I ever told you about. But you are the only one I ever loved."

"You were right, baby. I did want you to ask to come here. But it's because I think you will leave me. Sometimes I hate myself"

Confession is intoxicating.

"I don't want anyone to know we are together because I don't want to look weak."

"I'm sorry, baby"

"I know"

I look up and your eyes are open. Clear. Blue. Calm.

"What did you hear?"

"Nothing. Nothing that matters. Come here."

I slide into your arms. It is so ordinary. So perfectly ordinary. A house of love. You curl onto your side and hold me close.

"Jimmylove. Are we supposed to fuck?"

"You are supposed to still be asleep. Half asleep anyway."

"Is that why you are wearing a nightie?"

"Sod off"

"Did I make them all come?"

"Yes"

"I love it when you lie"

I kiss you and your kiss is mostly a smile.

"I want to make _you_ come."

"Yes"

Your hands are already under my shift. Cupping my ass.

"Baby?"

"What?"

"Fuck me hard. I need to cry. I need it to hurt. I miss you so fucking much. All the time. Make me feel it."

I feel you start to hesitate, but then you rub your hands over your face and shake your head like you are trying to shake off what is left of the dream.

You look at me and grin, twist and dump me onto the floor. Then you are on me. All over me. Heavy. Solid. Real. Your hand is between us. Fast and dirty as you get yourself hard. You haul me up and bend me over the chaise and shove the shift up over my hips. You slap my ass hard and grab my hair. You use your knees to splay my legs.

Then you fuck me. Simple. Hard. Rough.

But I don't cry.

I'm laughing.

Gasping and laughing.

Fucking through the pain.

You are laughing with me.

You spit in your hand and reach round and I fuck into your fist. You jerk me off hard, pulling me back against your chest. There is nothing spiritual. Nothing ritual. Just lust. I come hard but I don't feel the presence of god. I just feel happy. Jubilant. You are loose and easy. It takes you quite a while to come too. You are in no rush. If last night you filled me full of dreams, today you just fill me with the dull ache of being given exactly what I asked for.

* * *

"Look at him with shades on. He looks like a right ponce."

"He's fine. He's just knackered"

"I facking told you before not to damage the boy."

"He's no longer a boy"

"Whatever you get up to in there, Jim, don't matter. He can't even iron his own facking trousers. Neither can you. The pair of you. Hopeless"

"Did you book the flights yourself?"

"Course I booked the facking flights. When do you need to ask?"

"Jim?"

"Peter?"

"You will come back though, right?"

"You know what to do if we don't?"

"Yeah. I know."

"Peter?"

"Wot?"

"I love you."

"Yeah. Yeah."

**Author's Note:**

> For me this is kind of experimental. It was written as part of my cahooting with Fishie @thebookhunter and is inspired by her series So Long Ago and the story On This Day about Jimmy and Robert coming back together for Unledded/ No Quarter. This story is set just before they leave for Morocco the first time in June 1975 (as told in the song Achilles Last Stand) and JP's May 2020 One This Day post recently. Anyway I guess this is in the strange narrow hinterlands between Fishie's headcanon and mine. There is very little canon about JP's formal Thelema practice so this is a romanticized version drawing on Aleister Crowley's original works on erotocomatose lucidity. It references 'The Book of The Law' 'The Book of Lies' and there are a few Zeppelin lyrics too. Anyway tell me what you think. It's a short story but I'm posting it in 3 parts for reasons. :D


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